Am I There Yet?

Think of the latest addition to our MomTastic bookshelf, as a free ticket to a parenting comedy club. Seriously, you can’t even laugh this much, for this many pages, at a full-length feature movie.

A great friend from college moved South, and seems to live a parallel life. We each have 3 boys and a Labrador, and he married a woman I adore who I share a love of writing about motherhood – I’m all about tips and tools; Alison Lebovitz is like a veteran stand-up comedian. You know those awkward, messy, did they really happen, parenting moments that seem like a comedy sketch? Alison captures them, and weaves her stories so artfully, that you feel like you’re reading the adventures of a friend next door.

Alison’s collection of essays on marriage and motherhood – Am I There Yet: A Journey through marriage, motherhood, and miles of minutiae – is a laugh a minute. Don’t say I didn’t warn you: Don’t read on a full stomach!

First, some background…

Chattanooga, Tennessee humor columnist and television personality Alison Lebovitz takes us on the ride of her life. Am I There Yet? chronicles her travels toward adulthood, from her engagement, marriage, and budding career to pregnancies and parenthood.

The fun is in the journey, as Lebovitz embraces life’s small, awkward moments: Remediating her reputation as the mother of the preschool “puncher.” Discovering that a dinnertime disagreement with her husband has become the topic of conversation in carpool. We’ve all had those moments—the ones that remind us that no matter how old we get or how far we go, we never quite leave our middle-school selves.

Here are some excerpts Alison provided for The Lounge…

On pregnancy:

Alan has been completely supportive throughout my pregnancy. I couldn’t sleep at night without hearing the occasional, “Oh my God, what is with your belly button?” Those sentimental words really help me keep my chins up on a bad day.

On potty training:

The problem is, adults rarely talk to each other about such matters. It’s not like I find myself saying to friends, “You know, you had a lot to drink at lunch. I think you should try to go to the bathroom.”

On being a mom:

There is only one person on this earth who would chew secondhand gum when her child can’t find a trashcan or untie knotted shoelaces with her teeth without once considering where those shoes have been.

On child discipline:

“Time out” interrupts an unacceptable behavior by removing the child from the situation for one minute per year of age. The more effective approach would be to give myself the “time out,” removing myself from the situation for 31 minutes, or until the child is behaving again.

On shopping with boys:

My sons will try on pants and, in a nanosecond, will declare, “These are fine,” or “Nope, I don’t like them.” Then I always say, “Keep your britches on, I’m not done yet,” which gives me great pleasure, because I love any opportunity to use the word “britches” in a sentence.

On birthday parties:

What is the deal with piñatas? My idea of a good time is not blindfolding a dozen five-year-olds, handing each of them a large stick, and then letting them loose.

On snow days:

The mere threat of a snowfall in the South triggers the sort of panic and preparation associated with Cold War-era nuclear scares. Except instead of bomb shelters filled with canned goods, we have basements filled with cheap sleds.

Check it out – Am I There Yet is a masterpiece on modern motherhood, full of laughs at every corner.