I always love a catchy title, and also adore positive parenting approaches. This book does both, and I asked the author to share some tips with our readers. The book, DON’T BITE YOUR TONGUE: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children, challenges the idea that once children are grown, parents should keep their opinions to themselves and stay our of their kids’ business.
The author, Ruth Nemzoff shows parents how to have a presence in their children’s lives (and even express opinions and advice) without seeming pushy or overbearing. With more creative (and challenging) parenting scenarios such as adult children living at home, grandparents’ parenting their kids’ kids, and more, the book looks at inter-generational relationships and shows parents how to navigate these and many other tough issues in healthy, productive ways that work for everyone involved.
Thanks to Ruth, author and Mom since 1968 (MS’68) for these fabulous tips:
10 Tips for Communicating with your Adult Children
Know the environment: Things ain’t what they used to be so make sure you know the realities of life today.
Know yourself: What are your motives? Your child, brilliant psychologist that all children are, will assess your motives so you should, too.
Give up fantasy and deal with reality: You may want life and your children to be perfect, but it isn’t and they aren’t , so enjoy what you have.
Take the long view: Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your children or grandchildren be fully mature in a day or even a year.
Expect the unexpected and be flexible enough to change plans.
Don’t bite your tongue, but don’t blurt out every thought you have. Instead of using energy to squelch yourself, use that energy to figure out how to say what you want to say so it can be heard.
Be forgiving: We all make mistakes, all of us are rude sometimes or unintentionally hurtful. Forget holding a grudge.
Talk to your kids about money, yours and theirs. So you both know what is available for future crises.
Don’t play “go between” between your kids or your kids and your spouse. Now that you are all adults, kids can and should create their own individual relationships with siblings and each parent.
Get a life! Now that your children are grown, share whatever wisdom or skills you have with someone. Make the world a better place.