Provocative book title, huh? Thanks to Author Deborah Gilboa, M.D., a family physician, mom of 4, and parenting expert, who developed the “3 R’s of Parenting” to empower parents to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient kids. Her book, Get the Behavior You Want, Without Being the Parent You Hate, will be available Sept. 10, and she’s provided an advance excerpt of some of her wonderful tips for The Lounge…
Gilboa provides some great intel on several different ages and stages…
6 Things Parents Can Stop Doing Today
1. Have a toddler? You can stop trying to fix every problem.
Our toddlers have some stress in their lives! And about half the time we have no idea what the problem is. Instead of driving yourself up a wall trying to guess what’s wrong and solve it, just show your little one a little empathy. Feelings – even stress – help kids change and learn. You don’t have to smooth each obstacle as long as she knows you’re there and you care about her feelings.
2. Have a preschooler? You can stop tripping over toys in your own bedroom.
Your bedroom is your sanctuary. You might invite your kids in, but that doesn’t mean it’s a playroom or second kitchen. Make a couple of museum-like rules for your bedroom, like kids may not:
- Bring in any food or drink
- Enter without permission
- Leave belongings behind
This will teach your kids that your bedroom is special, and should be treated with respect – just like you.
3. Have a 5-7 year old? You can stop carrying stuff in from the car.
Most of what you bring into your home from your car benefits the whole family. Groceries, packages, bags, even your work stuff, all are necessary for your home to function. Give a call when you’re headed home and let the minions know you have loads for them to carry inside. Yes, they’ll have to stop what they’re doing to help, and that is a great lesson – we all pitch in when there’s work to be done
4. Have a 8-10 year old? You can stop doing the family’s laundry.
What?! Yes! Your 3rd grader can do the laundry.* All of the necessary gross motor skills have been mastered, and this is not a complicated task, just a long and boring one. Did you know there are universities using academic time to teach this skill? Laundry is a great challenge for a child, and a wonderful task to take off your own list so that you can do other things. How do I know that kids this age can handle carrying, sorting, washing, drying and folding? Because I did, and now my kids do. Trust me, you’ll love it!
*Go ahead and keep your delicates out.
5. Have a tween? You can stop waking them up for school.
The skill of setting an alarm clock (and getting up when it rings) takes time to learn. Start now! And make the advantages of doing so really clear: a ride to school instead of walking, or extra time in the evening after homework before bed. Of course, that means walking to school if they oversleep or going to bed early – because obviously if they’re too tired to get up in the morning, they need your help to get extra sleep.
6. Have kids of any age? You can stop trying to make them happy!
Happiness is lovely, and often a part of childhood. It’s also your child’s responsibility. It is not:
- your first priority.
- the measure of your parenting success.
I know this sounds crazy. But think about it. Our goal as parents is not to furnish a fleeting sense of satisfaction to our children. Instead, our goal as parents is to raise our kids to find and create their own happiness. What if, instead of asking ourselves “Is my child happy?” we start asking, “Is my child learning and growing?”
About the Author: Parenting expert, Deborah Gilboa, M.D. aka “Doctor G” is a family physician, mom of 4, international speaker, author and TV personality. She developed the “3 R’s of Parenting” to empower parents to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient kids. Her book, Get the Behavior You Want, Without Being the Parent You Hate will be released September 10, 2014 and is available on Amazon.com.