Dubbed a “crash course in real-world parenting,” You’re Perfect… And Other Lies Parents Tell: The Ugly Truth About Spoiling Your Kids (Bird Street Books), offers a unique perspective on why protecting our kids from every disappointment in life may not be the best approach.
Think you’re doing your kids a favor telling them what perfect angels they are?
Former criminal prosecutor, mother and stepmother Loni Coombs has witnessed firsthand the shockingly negative effects of what most parents feel to be the very best parenting techniques. They think, “I’ll give my children what I never had, I’ll take care of their problems,” and then they’re blindsided by their children’s utter helplessness when it comes to thriving in the real world, their inability to get and keep a job, even their unexpected run-ins with the law. What went wrong?
TV host and legal commentator, Coombs is a regular contributor to Dr. Phil, The Doctors, and Dr. Drew. She delineates how modern parents are raising entitled children who are ill-equipped to become productive, empathetic, law-abiding young adults. In short, the “cool” parents are raising “cold” kids.
The “ugly truth” parents need to face is that telling your children that they are perfect and shielding them from the consequences of their actions while insisting that every child gets a first-place trophy is not good parenting, says Coombs. You’re Perfect is the urgent wake-up call that the parents of the “Me Generation” so desperately need, and the easy-to-implement information within its pages could change the course of millions of young lives for the better.
Here’s an excerpt she shared form the book for The MomTini Lounge about how to help your kids set and accomplish goals…
It’s important to get your children to talk openly and without embarrassment about goals they would like to accomplish – such as getting to school on time, going to a concert, or even getting accepted into Harvard. Here are some suggestions:
- Help them break their goal down into steps that will get them there. If they want to buy a car, for instance, have them answer these questions: How much money will I need to save each month to be able to buy the car by a certain date? What costs will I need to cover once I buy the car? Make it a collaborative process by helping your child figure out solutions they can manage for how to get things done. They should feel responsible and in control of the process from the beginning.
- Help them to commit to the goal by memorizing the commitment. Writing things down is an extremely effective tool to help your children stick to a goal or a promise. The act of writing forces them to think though their goal in detail and then keeps them focused on what they have committed to doing.
- Make sure they have written deadlines to accomplish that goal. Studies show that kids who set deadlines for themselves actually perform better than those who don’t.
- Once the goal is set, your role should be aimed at positive reinforcement. No child is too old for positive reinforcement. Instead of jumping in when they are struggling and doing some of the work for them, set up small positive reinforcements to keep them going. Such reinforcements will be constant reminders that the work they are doing is worth it.